Especially if youve spent any time visiting or living in New York, which I 100% have since Im a 30+ year local who knows a thing or two about funny NYC jokes that perfectly embody what life in NYC is really like. Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. I use a BMW to travel New York. To become Mayor for an unprecedented third term, Michael Bloomberg got half a million votes. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! If this is not your stop, stay on. I think thats how Chicago got started. Like, mid-ride, they decide, Lets not stop. In winter, NYC is the city of tights. Is there a difference between New York and Paris? NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. It is downright racist to white people. Loving my trip to the Big Apple-tini. What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? I replied, Yeah, man, youre free., A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says I havent eaten in three days. This is the place where I share all my solo travel mishaps, I mean tips; travel hacks that will make you laugh, cry, and hopefully travel more successfully as a solo female! Although, I was at the library today. You feel sorry for the dog. 51. Four beautiful children named after kings and pieces of fruit are a way of saying, I can afford a four-bedroom apartment and $150,000 in elementary-school tuition fees each year. How hard would it be to drive a computer from Toronto to New York? 5. Everybodys plastic, but I love plastic. Show - New Jokes and Newbies. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. Check out this list and pick out your favorites. Its like I paid a guy. 86. How you livin?, 68. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight, guess what it was? Its not that people in New York are tougher than anywhere else, its a cruelty level when youre waking up, you know? It was like five in the morning on a weeknight. Racist topics make me nervous. Joe List began his comedy career in Boston, Massachusetts in 2000 just weeks after graduating from high school. I come from New York, where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet., 83. Look out for your first newsletter in your inbox soon! People tell me, Hey, if you quit smoking, youll get your sense of smell back. I live in New York City, I got news for you, folks, I dont want my fucking sense of smell back., 71. He hates New York. Steven Wright, I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. Exactly 2,417,529 people in NYC got married last year. Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC? I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. Your brain is, like, fried," Nepola, 55, screams back while pointing at her best friend. Park Slope? How hard is it to drive a computer from Toronto to New York? We share them in our weekly newsletter. In winter, Paris is the city of lights but New York is the city of tights! RECOMMENDED: Best comedy in NYCBut wait! Really looking at yourself and going, Yeah, Im not cool enough for the West Village., 82. Over the course of five days and about 1,000 tweets, New Yorkers took down their beloved city. NYC subway commuters. I wish Id been a Def Jam comic when that movie came out. My great grandmother worked on the Underground Railroad Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. Thats not my area up there!' No one could find three wise men or a virgin. The New York regents covered the Carrier Dome in cardboard for what reason? Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? Whats a nice person like you doing in a place like this? smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Thats like going to a casino and routing for the house. Doug Stanhope, Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache, but dont try to have a conversation with me like you dont have a handlebar mustache. Cause that fact is way scarier than cyclones. . While NYC is great, it can be frustrating at times. Alongside hilarious jokes and . I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. Alongside hilarious jokes and . My uncle ten years ago, this guy was a prominent judge in Manhattan; now hes a wino living in Central Park. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. What kind of hipsters live in the Big Apple? New York is very rough. Words cant espresso how much New York means to me. New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature., 63. Its like I paid a guy. I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio., 84. Are there any differences between a New York Giants fan and a Trump supporter? But I guess thats because its the city that never sleeps. Two Towers. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. My lips are sealed, bro. I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. 4. the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to please put her arm down. New York City subway commuters., 8. Looking for total wieners? Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? Statin island. 100. Please sign up with your best email address. Dress up as a police officer., 7. Your email address will not be published. That is not the most dramatic thing that you just said. I dont belong on this train! And it doesnt matter where you areindoors, outdoors, fuckin in a park, in a museum, in a restaurant. Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a virgin. See more ideas about upstate ny, upstate, bones funny. You would never do that in another situation. New York looks crappy in the mornings. Im very paranoid, and New Yorks the only place my fears are justified., I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. These jokes about New York State will also be particularly funny if you live or have lived in other parts of the state besides NYC. I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and I walk up and go, You need help finding something? She looks up and goes, Oh no, we prefer to find it ourselves. Isnt that a weird preference? Its so cold in New York that the statue of liberty shoved the torch up her dress., 17. 22. There you have it! 102. in such a busy city, the only way to survive is to have a good sense of humor and several jokes up your sleeve. 44. I have to for health reasons. 56. 18. Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? Theres a hierarchy in the New York Post, different people that they like and different people that they dont like. Because I dont know about you but I find laughter to be the best medicine for whatever ails you, which is why I compiled this super snazzy list of the best New York City jokes I could find. Sure, some NYC jokes and NYC puns are better than others, but you know what? And where else can I have so much fun while writing? Today's borough on which you may bash is Staten Island, so have at it. I moved to New York City for my health. Itll be like: Comedian Aziz Ansari was killed in a car accident today. 42. Reading the New York Post is like talking to someone who heard the news, and now theyre trying to give you the gist. I said, Yeah, man, youre free. In NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space. ', 45. Half of them keep saying fuhgeddaboudit but the rest of them keep saying Never forget. Jared Leto jokes about getting 'stunt pay' for walking around New York City barefoot to film his new WeWork show 'WeCrashed' Palmer Haasch. After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate? Its no surprise that New York City looks terrible in the morning. It gives too much information to the enemy. Where you at, 24th and Fifth? Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. Good to be back on 6 Trillionth Street. Louis C.K. But out of respect, people still say, May I approach the bench? And thats sweet. Jonathan Katz, When youre in Manhattan, you dont get scared, no matter how fast the cab goes. 46. In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding., 82. Like, Heres a bunch of moneyjust kind of punch me all over. And I tell jokes for a living. Thats because these NYC puns are hilarious. What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? Im dedicated to this., Ive been living in the city for 15 years; I have no idea where the train is going. What did the old New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? 1. Hes a turd., Ive lived in New York City way too long. The whole thing. Al Madrigal, In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. Im like, Dude, arent you cold? No, Im from New York. 8904, 85 East 4th Street. I realized this cause I was on the subway the other day and I heard a meow moewwww and Im like, Oh great, here comes some frickin guy pretending hes a cat. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. Here are our favorites so far, in alphabetical order. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles. Neil Simon, Los Angeles is just New York lying down. Quentin Crisp, I lived in New York until I was about the age of 30, and then by that time I realized Id had enough of life in a dynamic, sophisticated city, so I moved to Los Angeles. George Carlin, I prefer New York to Los Angeles because I get paid three hours earlier. Henny Youngman, The women in California, they get scared. Everyone else is Mel Blanc. Jack Benny, If God doesnt destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. Jay Leno, My arms register as legs there. Things change, even at the bodega. 111. 89+ Star Wars Quotes Ultimate Collection 2023: Quotes We All Can Relate To, 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! And whenever they go through the wreckage, theyll find my phone and be like, Whoa, thats what he looked up right before he died? Gonna be so sad. 98. 72. For instance, their fire department wont make house calls. Mort Sahl, Homeless people in L.A. are different. A good building it ourselves like this old New Yorker say to the with. Because I get paid three hours earlier 89+ Star Wars Quotes Ultimate Collection 2023: Quotes we all can to... Five days and about 1,000 tweets, New Yorkers took down their beloved city,. Fan and a Trump supporter explosive when compressed 23+ funny Business jokes to Share with Friends ( your! 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