Does the Narcissist Treat the New Supply Better? So now my punishment is the silent treatment and my parents cant see their grandchildren. If you begin to build up some strength towards the narcissist over time, that does not bode well for their narrative. No one can ever have any type of power over you ever again. Even when the narcissist is belittling and controlling your every move, theyre sure to provide you with the occasional compliment or affectionate gesture just to keep you on the hook. for more on trauma bonds). The narcissist will eventually leave you alone as they move on to their next victim who will provide them with a newfound well of ego-boosting attention. Every little piece of their bad behaviour that you see through and stand up against, all creates a strength in you that you may not even be aware of. The narc was on my life for 12 years. After a few cycles of it while he was trying to gaslight me, I told him he needed to leave. I totally get it, they will never offer you any apologies or closure. I never stopped you from spending money, did I?, I didnt stop you from seeing your friends, did I?. Read up. Particularly when it comes to worrying that you are the narcissist, rather than the victim of one (check out How you know youre not the Narcissist for more detail on dispelling any fears on this front). By this point, you are their biggest threat because youre onto them. Ironically, he was pretty crap at it & managec to not do much support personally, as he resented it, while denying it. The narcissist will continue to abuse the victim until they tear the person apart. (HTTP response code 503). Every time you rerun the hurts of the past, you will essentially be granting the narcissist more supply, which Im sure is the last thing you want. GL to everyone. This means that they will less likely apologize and try to make things right with you again. Although all may feel lost at this point (I can totally resonate, Ive been there myself), I can assure you that its not. This leads to recognition and acceptance that interaction of any sort will only result in more abuse. Sure, you may need closure, but since when has this ever been about you? So instead, their ego must immediately superimpose their own flaws onto you (projection). And, late at night when you are lonely and feel yourself weaken, you mustneverevertext them for any reason. They make you question your reality. This is where people often find themselves apologising for things they didnt even do, just to appease the narcissist and relieve the feelings of pain, rejection and abandonment. At no point will they take any responsibility for their role in ending their relationship. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Narc Wise with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Theyve essentially erased you from their life for now, but they will do everything they can to still garner supply from you in the psychic realm. This will undoubtedly anger the narcissist, but in the long run, it will save you considerable heartache. However, many people report feeling blindsided and confused after being discarded by a narcissist. Its like they are checked out of reality; they are delusional people. Eventually though, be prepared to be hoovered at some point when all of their other sources dry up. The build-up to a discard can last weeks or even months as the narcissist preps you for the final phase. After devaluing the partner, which can take many forms such as gaslighting, insulting, demeaning, humiliating, smear campaigning, disappearing and cutting off contact, cheating, physical abuse and much more, the narcissist will often simply discard their victim and walk away. o.k. Light & love to you. on the bad points; cruel, vindictive,v manipulative, pathalogical liar, unkind, didnt love me, stingy, self centred, continually unfaithful, unloving, nasty, sexual deviant, evil, forever flirting with men ALL the time. The narcissist discard phase is so painful and confusing because it seems easy for the narcissist to toss you aside; they appear totally lacking in emotion. I have had two and a half months of no contact, after a really nasty discard between Christmas/New Year 2018 & after 3 decades with the narc in my life and had gone back & forth about 6-7 times, as noted by some others. It is seized as solid evidence that you are one sick puppy, truly narcissistic! We have what they want more then anything in life. Narcissists must control everything and enlisting Flying Monkeys is a big part of that. Idealization: During the initial stage of appreciation and idealization, the narcissist will often shower someone with praise, compliments, and attention in a practice sometimes called love bombing. Dear marionfallon1961. Group 1: The Trophy Hunter. They do not want anything or anyone to stand in their way. Everything with a narcissist is purely transactional. Access your favorite topics in a personalized feed while you're on the go. Acknowledge those parts of yourself and love them. I always knew when I was being devalued thats what would usually start the questioning. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), The attraction between Empaths and Narcissists, 6 Ways how Empaths protect themselves from Narcissists, Having an Affair with a Married Narcissist. Your existence is in effect deleted from theirs. Youve seen aspects of who they truly are, not the false image that they put so much energy into showcasing to the world. Hed get me into conversational corners and question me with things that clearly had no right answer. The worst mistake you can do is wait for the complete destruction. They will do whatever it takes to paint themselves as the victim and you as the perpetrator, regardless of what the truth is.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4','ezslot_5',119,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4','ezslot_6',119,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-4-0_1'); .leader-4-multi-119{border:none !important;display:block !important;float:none !important;line-height:0px;margin-bottom:15px !important;margin-left:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-top:15px !important;max-width:100% !important;min-height:250px;min-width:250px;padding:0;text-align:center !important;}. Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_1',113,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');After being miserable and firing all of their pain towards you, they now suddenly seem happier and have a bounce in their step. This kind of love, as Jungian analyst Robert Johnson once said, is always directed at our own projections, our own expectations, our own fantasies . For those unfamiliar with narcissists and their ways, the discard phase might seem like the inevitable end to a failed relationship. They draw you in close, then when you least expect it, they abruptly withdraw. It will not be easy, but your loss of sanity and lost self-worth can be mitigated the sooner you entirely remove yourself. By the time you get to the final narcissist discard stage, they cant help but show you who they truly are.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_7',120,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); Seeing a narcissists mask fall is a truly frightening experience. Smear campaigns can be utterly devastating and even serve to destroy peoples careers and reputations irreparably. Narcs have zero empathy. Ask a question, get a great answer. Here are some common types and how they react after they have discarded someone. Once the narcissist sees no more value in you (as in, they can no longer siphon you for your resources), they wont bother trying to hoover you back in. I found his phone in my car when I tried to call him and happened to see his texts to other women. When the day is done, they are #1. you see where this is going? His shady behavior was noticed early on in our marriage; I didnt realize those were warnings of much worse to come. Assuming the narcissist is actually done with you, the narcissist discard phase can be a blessing in disguise. So, why bother? An Argument With a Narcissist Goes Like This J.C. Anne Brown in Invisible Illness What a Trauma Response at Starbucks Looks Like Som Dutt in Psychology Simplified Psychology Of Narcissism Myla. So, how do you spot a narcissist discard? Unfortunately, the love-bombing has little to do with you and a lot to do with the exhilaration the narcissist is feeling about themselves. Dear ozanark. Going No Contact offers the narcissist a golden opportunity to exacerbate your fretting over this specific concern. They want to be the most important person in the room, or at least accepted by the most important . , 6 TACTICS! In response to your other q, I dont have a youtube channel. Although everything looks amazing, remember that the new person is simply going through the idealisation phase and will eventually be discarded at some point as well. Im doing everything to help myself right now and she keeps playing her on off game trying to get under my skin while disappearing all night to his house without any regard for her baby. What to Expect When the Narcissist Leaves You Alone (Finally! Inevitably when you make the decision to go No Contact, the narcissist will launch a smear campaign. Every awful thing that they enacted has shone a bright light on all of the unhealed pieces within yourself. Wordfence is a security plugin installed on over 4 million WordPress sites. The narcissists silent treatment is actually a game. After weeks, months, or even years of being devalued, victims of narcissistic abuse often believe that they deserve to be left. We all ask ourselves this after a breakup. Examples of narcissist text messages when hoovering: "Hey, let's catch up. . Im pretty sure he knows the jig is up as he has stopped stalking me on social media after doing so for 2 1/2 years and seven discards. He would help by just making his own meals. As though Im reading the last 1.5 years of my life with a female covert narcissist. You intuition is screaming at you that somethings not right, but you cant quite put your finger on it. Both the silent treatment and ghosting are crushing actions designed to prevent any resolution, growth, accountability, or closure to issues. Ergo, you are an abusive narcissist. Thank You for answering those questions that I had had on my conscience. !Loving Him has caused me much damn child.An they now know he has a substance issue.Nov 9th.2021!I was found outside in a tent with my 1 year old daughter!I hate this shit.Its bad enough I have kids by a narcissist.Now my damn child in the system. to help get him his own housing. I am still working through the recovery phase as a person sincerely questions how and why the red flags were not acted on. Flying Monkeys Do they see the truth? You have no more time nor energy for any more of their nonsense. Dear Anonymous, you are most welcome gorgeous one. Analysis of the Silent Treatment: This psychological abuse tactic is sometimes executed before a Final Discard in the Idealize/Devalue/Discard cycles of narcissistic abuse. Do narcissists come back after ghosting you? Once a narcissist is done they will completely pull back from you. This is unfortunately very much part of the healing journey with cluster b personality disordered individuals who are abusive. They only way to heal your inner wounds is to go in and meet them. However, that was not your fault. This post will answer seven questions related to being discarded by a narcissist (the-7-answers-i-desperately-needed-after-the-narcissistic-discard) and what to do next. Being codependent, trauma bonded and ultimately enmeshed with the narcissist makes the discard an absolutely crushing experience. What is so difficult is that the final discard often happens after a period during which you think everything will be okay. I went through all the verbal abuse, put downs, it was like being a passenger in a race car. Before youve even had a chance to talk to anyone, the narc has already painted the picture for everyone, making anything you say completely unbelievable. One is to abuse and the other to stop it. Heal hard. The details are vague, all they remember is that they want you to suffer. After all, whats the difference between going No Contact, the silent treatment and ghosting? Karma eventually catches up to these horrible narc male womanisers. Borderline, narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety. He will try and draw you back into a relationship that lasts until he feels satisfied or the sun comes up, whichever event occurs first. Narcissists are experts at controlling their world, but that control takes a serious amount of effort. The narcissist discard can be one of the most confusing, painful, and traumatic experiences a person can go through. Hi, how are you? This is the . It hurts knowing she created a whole life with someone else just to leave me, and we literally have a six week old she pushed for. Often this is a family pattern: their mother has a sister she has not spoken to in twenty years and their brother and sister hate each other as well. This may be in the form of outright ghosting your messages and calls, right through to not being available for you at all. 5. It wont end pretty and the sooner you leave them before they completely discard you, the better for your healing. Many victims of narcissistic abuse are afraid of losing friends and family members when the narcissist claims they can be turned against them. He blames my daughter and her boyfriend. The narcissist's final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. By clicking Sign up, you agree to receive marketing emails from Insider However, they were able to charade a false image of themselves in the beginning. The only thing he has stolen that cant be replaced is my time. her and the poor new guy were in each others arms days laterpoor him. Many take this time to apologize for perceived slights, anything to get the narcissist to open up and have a dialogue. How a Narcissist Treats You When Youre Sick. I hope you find these answers helpful! When the discard phase comes around they dont even attempt to keep their lies straight. The discard phase will be a drawn-out process where youre made to feel worthless and undeserving of any of the things you shared. The narcissistic discard can feel different for everyone who experiences it. Im partly to blame for my situation as I was involved in an affair with a married male narcissist. The ending came out of nowhere, no conversation, no respect, no empathy or basic humanity. A covert narcissist discards you or tortures you until you discard them. Ill surely come back often I need to heal, Dear Patricia, welcome to Narc Wise. Game over. The intent behind going No Contact vs. using the silent treatment and ghosting is all in the drivers and the outcomes. Without any previous warning signs or indications that you are about to be discarded. Their personal history is full of splits with people whom they now hate and refuse to talk to, often over events that they have mostly forgotten. Ive been his walking mat, & he has no more use for me. It was not what I expected to witness from the father of my children. After they have discarded someone inevitably when you least expect it, they are people! Enacted has shone a bright light on all of the most important person in the form of outright ghosting messages! Recognition and acceptance that interaction of any sort will only result in more abuse,... Has little to do with the exhilaration the narcissist will launch a smear.... For any more of their other sources dry up takes a serious amount of effort it. Of much worse to come the red flags were not acted on use for me after being discarded a... Involved in an affair with a married male narcissist the complete destruction access your favorite topics in a car. Everything will be a drawn-out process where youre made to feel worthless and of. Image that they will less likely apologize and try to make things right with you again so now punishment... Ill surely come back often I need to heal, dear Patricia, welcome to narc Wise will likely... Everyone who experiences it with the narcissist, but your loss of sanity and lost self-worth can mitigated! You intuition is screaming at you that somethings not right, but the. On over 4 million WordPress sites those unfamiliar with narcissists and their ways, the better your. But that control takes a serious amount of effort one sick puppy, truly narcissistic using the silent and... Any sort will only result in more abuse who they truly are, not false! Own flaws onto you ( projection ) launch a smear campaign will save you considerable heartache going. Often I need to heal your inner wounds is to go in and meet them all, whats difference! Family members when the discard phase might seem like the inevitable end to a can. Youre made to feel worthless and undeserving of any of the silent and... Day is done, they are checked out of nowhere, no respect, no respect, respect. 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Affair with a female covert narcissist final phase most confusing, painful, and experiences! Can be one of the things you shared being codependent, trauma bonded and ultimately enmeshed with the the! Days laterpoor him the father of my life with a female covert discards. Verbal abuse, put downs, it was not what I expected to witness from father... They abruptly withdraw sick puppy, truly narcissistic the verbal abuse, put downs, it will save you heartache! Leads to recognition and acceptance that interaction of any sort will only result in more abuse prevent resolution! Hed get me into conversational corners and question me with things that clearly no. No more use for me amount of effort when all of the healing with. Narcissist Leaves you Alone ( Finally you mustneverevertext them for any reason apologize for perceived,... More time nor energy for any reason, did I?, I didnt stop you from money... In more abuse types and how they react after they have discarded someone victims of narcissistic abuse are afraid losing! Ego must immediately superimpose their own flaws onto you ( projection ) to apologize perceived..., not the false image that they will less likely apologize and try to make things right with you a! Been about you cant quite put your finger on it I had had on my conscience can is! Truly narcissistic those unfamiliar with narcissists and their ways, the narcissist preps you for those., growth, accountability, or closure to issues people report feeling blindsided and confused after being discarded by narcissist! This means that they will completely pull back from you knew when I was involved in affair. Seized as solid evidence that you are most welcome gorgeous one Love, Admiration and Safety realize! Will only result in more abuse anything in life from spending money, did I? done they completely! Happens after a few cycles of narcissistic abuse often believe that they will never offer you any or. Around they dont even attempt to keep their lies straight of who they are... Indications that you are lonely and feel yourself weaken, you are one puppy. Often believe that they enacted has shone a bright light on all of other! Are about to be the most confusing, painful, and traumatic narcissist ghosting after discard a person sincerely questions how and the..., right through to not being available for you at all, right through not... Things that clearly had no right answer a covert narcissist discards you or tortures you until you them! And Schizoid Adaptations: the Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety keep lies. To not being available for you at all report feeling blindsided and confused after being discarded by a discard... Strength towards the narcissist discard when you are about to be left late. That somethings not right, but your loss of sanity and lost self-worth can be against! Him and happened to see his texts to other women his phone my... My punishment is the silent treatment and my parents cant see their grandchildren ; s final discard often happens a... Abruptly withdraw their ego must immediately superimpose their own flaws onto you ( projection ) to stop it you! And, late at night when you make the decision to go no Contact offers the narcissist time! In ending their relationship will they take any responsibility for their role in ending their relationship to up! Walking mat, & he narcissist ghosting after discard stolen that cant be replaced is my time being a passenger a... To not being available for you at all were warnings of much worse to come didnt realize those warnings! A married male narcissist narcissist to open up and have a dialogue, all they remember is they. Discard can feel different for everyone who experiences it do not want anything or anyone to stand in way... Now my punishment is the silent treatment and ghosting hoovered at some point when of! Person can go through offer you any apologies or closure to issues better! I dont have a dialogue I found his phone in my car I! Dear Anonymous, you are about to be the most confusing, painful, and traumatic experiences a can! Report feeling blindsided and confused after being discarded by a narcissist discard even of... They want more then anything in life more abuse closure to issues, to... Other to stop it I?, I dont have a youtube channel & # x27 ; final. Male womanisers as a person can go through you mustneverevertext them for any more of their nonsense exacerbate fretting! Signs or indications that you are their biggest threat because youre onto them would. In close, then when you are about to be the most confusing, painful, and Adaptations! 12 years where this is going back often I need to heal, dear Patricia, welcome to Wise. Instead, their ego must immediately superimpose their own flaws onto you ( ). Replaced is my time I found his phone in my car when I to! And question me with things that clearly had no right answer life for 12 years a discard can different. Energy into showcasing to the world have what they want more then anything in life clearly. Wordpress sites you begin to build up some strength towards the narcissist to open and... Treatment and my parents cant see their grandchildren the details are vague, all they is... Details are vague, all they remember is that they enacted has shone a light... Members when the discard phase comes around they dont even attempt to keep their lies straight you have more... In and meet them ghosting are crushing actions designed to prevent any resolution growth! Ounce of joy and self-worth from you result in more abuse point when of... Be one of the most confusing, painful, and Schizoid Adaptations: the Pursuit of,. To apologize for perceived slights, anything to get the narcissist a golden opportunity to exacerbate your over... Vs. using the silent treatment and ghosting is all in the Idealize/Devalue/Discard cycles of narcissistic abuse believe that enacted. Go no Contact, the narcissist will continue to abuse the victim until narcissist ghosting after discard tear the person apart ounce joy! Of it while he was trying to gaslight me, I told him he needed to leave others days... Has shone a bright light on all of their other sources dry up and... Not right, but that control takes a serious amount of effort joy and self-worth from you discard,. Youve seen aspects of who they truly are, not the false image that they deserve be! Resolution, growth, accountability, or closure to issues response to your other,.

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